Relationship Status | Lousy Friend


Have you noticed that since you gave birth to your little babe that your relationship status has changed among your friends? I have! When I first found out I was pregnant, I had so many friends around me wanting to share in the joy, but those without babies didn't stick around long.

After being pregnant for a few months I noticed that my friendships started to dissipate as they were off doing "non-pregnant" things and I was ...well not! Though we kept up through text messages, Facebook, and smoke signals, it started to be fairly obvious that what we had in common was getting slimmer and slimmer. 

Being a first time mom, I figured that once I had my baby boy things between my friends and I would go back to how it was pre-pregnancy. I was not prepared for the fact that I would ultimately lose a lot of friends. I figured I would be able to devote more time to them now, I would be able to do those "non-pregant" activities I longed for, and they could come and play with my little bub! HA! Wrong! 

So let's fast forward to after me having my baby boy and to the absence of friendships. In the beginning I was having a hard time with nursing and just figuring out the ropes of being a new mom. And in turn I pushed away a lot of people. I made myself unavailable for visits, and I rarely returned any type of message. But that only lasted for a short period. Once I snapped out of it and tried to get in contact with certain friends, it was as though they had completely moved on without me! I would get a "he's cute" comment on a Facebook photo, or a "Like" but nothing more. 

I know some of it had to do with me and the fact that I dropped off the face of the social planet for a small snippet of time, but we were supposed to be friends! So I got to thinking if it wasn't me, what was it?! The answer came quite quickly when I was able to finally connect with a good friend. We had nothing in common any more. We chatted about old times, but you can only do that so many times. I chatted about baby, but she didn't have anything to input since she wasn't there in life yet. We talked about her job, but I am now a stay at home mom so my job description is one she doesn't understand. I searched and searched during that visit for a meeting ground and realized that our status has changed.

It was a pivotal point sitting there with nothing to say to a friend who at one point I could sit and talk to for hours. I realized that since I have entered the wonderful world of mommyhood my priorities have changed. Once I got those two pinks lines I started making my family a priority and my friends took a back seat. 

I felt guilty at first, but then I realized that I shouldn't! I still have a few friends who love being around my boy and me (you know who you are!) and who are true friends. I will not give up being a good mom to keep my friends around. Those who are true friends will see that your life has taken on another facet, and they will be so incredibly happy for you. They will get it when you don't call for weeks on end, or when they don't see you for a month. They get it when all you talk about is baby and they will initiate those conversations! 

It is sad to see some friendships fade away, but one day when they have children of their own, they will understand why my effort has to go towards my child. Until then, I suppose we will continue to grow apart, and those mommy friends  I have made will grow stronger. I guess it is all apart in growing up...even at almost 30!




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10 comments:

  1. Hang in there! It's better to have a few friends that will be there with you through thick & thin, than a ton of "sometimes" friends. Being over 35 with my first child, I'm on the other side - most of my friends kids are older and we sometimes get the "been there, done that" line. I have some great friends who have been there, and will be there through thick & thin, and those are the ones I want to spend my time on.

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    1. I never thought of them as "sometimes friends". I think for a first time mom it is all about settling in to your 'comsant' which is what I am doing. I am so glad to hear that you have a wonderful group of friends :)

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  2. Being a "non-mommy" friend has been one of my favorite things! I feel privileged to be a part of my friend's beautiful babies lives, and honored to share some of their first moments with them. I love watching them grow and many times would rather spend a Saturday evening relaxing with my friends with little ones, then not. I am glad that you have found others that you can stay connected with who love you AND the fact that you are a mommy!

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    1. Aimee I am sooo happy you are one of the few that will give up a night of going out to spend it with your "parent friends". you are such a wonderful person :):)

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  3. Not all the friends we make along the way are meant to be in our lives forever. I realized it too just having my first child and now being a SAHM (although now living overseas). It was hard for me to accept at first, but the. It just sinks in as part of the whole life change of becoming a parent. :-)

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    1. You are right that it is hard to accept, but it happens. I am finally coming to terms with the fact that we all change and go on our different paths.

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